We at guernseydonkey.com are always keen to promulgate (yes we know – its a big word – we like to use it to make us seem intelligent) that ever exapanding ‘body of knowledge’ we like to call “intenet fluff”. Accordingly we recycle here for your delectation (another big word – aren’t we clever {smiles smugly} ) a story that seems to have begun its life way back in 1997 when the internet was still young. It’s a tongue in cheek exam question on whether students can prove if “Hell is Exothermic or Endothermic?” Multiple examples now exist and its opening often varies – who the setter supposedly was and at what institution – but the core of the piece is always the same. Enjoy! 🙂

IS HELL EXOTHERMIC OR ENDOTHERMIC?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term paper. The answer was so profound that the Professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question : Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle’s Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following :

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing over time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let’s look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle’s Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities :

  1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
  2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, that “ … it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you” and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze.