If you can’t laugh at yourselves every once in a while then something is seriously lacking. here we’ve gathered together a few Channel Island Jokes that play on the rivalries and stereotypes we as islanders like to apply to each other. Guernsey, Jersey, Sark or Alderney – they’re all fair game for the butt of jokes as far as we’re concerned – enjoy !
Why don’t Jerseymen play hide & seek ? Because they know nobody will go & look for them.
Cars aren’t really banned on Sark. It’s just that they’re waiting for a petrol station to be built before anyone buys one.
What’s the difference between a Waitrose trolly & a jersey girl ? … A Waitrose trolly has a mind of it’s own.
What’s the TRUE difference between a Guernseyman and a donkey ? One brays like a horse and has large fleshy hindquarters … the other’s a donkey.
An advocate died in poverty and many of his colleagues subscribed to a fund for his funeral. The Bailiff was approached for a ten pence piece. ‘Only ten pence’ he said, ‘to bury an advocate. Here’s a pound. Go and bury ten of them’.
Did you hear about the Jerseyman who thought that an innuendo was an Italian suppository.
A Channel Island housewife is a woman with lots of small mouths to feed and one big one to listen to.
As Mrs Le Cras was walking away from the churchyard the grave-digger called out to her to complain about the extra work he’d been made to do. ‘Eh, Mrs Le Cras, why did you make me dig the grave 18 ft deep?’ he asked. ‘Because, deep down, my husband is a good man,’ she said.
Three pieces of string were sitting in the Mermaid, waiting to buy a drink. The barman looked at them and said: ‘Sorry, we only serve humans,’ so two of the pieces got up and left. The third wasn’t going to be denied, however, and went into the toilet where he tied himself into a knot and frayed his ends. When he returned the barman said: ‘I know you! You’re a piece of string!’ ‘No,’ the third piece of string told him. ‘I’m a frayed knot.’
A tourist was staying on a farm in Sark and he couldn’t help noticing that one of the pigs had a wooden leg. Naturally he asked the farmer why this was so. ‘Well,’ said the farmer, ‘that there is quite a remarkable pig, eh. One night, when we were all asleep, the farmhouse caught fire. But that pig, such an intelligent animal he is, he woke up the entire household and rescued two of the children single-handed, or rather single-trottered. ‘A few weeks later, he was out tilling one of my fields, when he discovered oil, and recently I’ve found out that he’s teaching all of the other farmyard animals to talk to us ‘Why that’s incredible,’ replied the man, ‘but why the wooden leg?’Well you don’t expect us to eat a pig like that all in one go do you?’