Do you ever find yourself lost for a reply when someone passes a sarcastic remark or craftily insults you and it’s only later that a clever put-down comes to you ?

Well they say “Forewarned is forearmed” so here we list some potential pithy replies to arm yourself with or some canny witticisms you can insert into a conversation.


If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.


Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.


God must love stupid people. He made SO many.


I never forget a face, but in your case Iā€™d be glad to make an exception.


War does not determine who is right. lt determines who is left.


He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.


The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.


Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting a tomato in a fruit salad.


Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.


Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.


I didn’t say it was your fault. I said I was blaming you.


Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others … whenever they go.


Take my advice; I don’t use it anyway.


Always remember you’re unique just like everyone else.


100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?


Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.


Learn from your parents’ mistakes: use birth control.


Never miss a good chance to shut up.


Some drink at the fountain of knowledge. Others just gargle.


You are depriving some poor village of its idiot.


Never argue with an idiot. He will only drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.


The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list.


My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.


You’re a man of hidden shallows.